There are many days I go around feeling like a Dali art piece. That’s the man who drew the melting clocks, except I feel like my body is wrong one way, my head is on another way and I’m walking in two different directions with each feet. In the meantime, there it is, that need for me – I am NaNa, Mama, YaYa, YAAAA, Nanaaaa…, Ba, Bahhaa, and a million other strange sounds.
Let me explain, my 9-month-old daughter is not old enough to say Mama. Instead, she alternates between growling like a gremlin that I fed and bathed past midnight, and an electronic infant toys short circuiting on a battery while possessed by a goat.
It’s a fine line between supporting her needs and encouraging independence, and any woman who’s a mother, have discovered early on the Godly duties they have been entrusted with.
An example of a mother’s impact is clearly illustrated in Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s opinion piece on the New York Times this weekend. The Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court is one of the earliest women to set foot into the wigged male-dominated courtrooms.
This is what she wrote:
“What enabled me to take part in the effort to free our daughters and sons to achieve whatever their talents equipped them to accomplish, with no artificial barriers blocking their way? First, a mother who, by her example, made reading a delight and counseled me constantly to “be independent,” able to fend for myself, whatever fortune might have in store for me.”
For those who don’t know this lady who works in the nation’s highest courts, she is pretty cool, and so respected that when she fell asleep at the State of the Union earlier this year, the media had a field day loving this 83-year-old. She later said that she fell asleep because of the compulsory wine drinking that went on right before the speech.
So, by these means, I’ve decided to sit down and try to figure out the best practices I hold myself to repeating over and over and over again, to help my little critter be the best she can be:
- Big choices, small hurts, early on
I’ll let her choose to skip a meal. She will learn hunger (No, I won’t feed you outside of mealtimes, also, you have enough flesh my Royal Chubbiness). I’ll let her choose to drop her food. She will learn to lose things that are not replaced. My line is drawn at choosing to hurt others, but I need to learn to step back, step aside.
- Learning to focus
She doesn’t need a million toys. She needs just one. If she picks another, the other will go. Later on, she can discover that one can be a jack of all trades, but be master of at least one, preferably two. Always be strong enough to be the one to choose, the fickle will always be chosen without choice.
- You said you wanted to do it. You are only as good as your word.
My father asked me if I wanted to play the piano when I was two years old. I said yes, and he probably knew that I would have said yes if he had asked me if I wanted to go to a booger flinging orchestra. But over the years, he always reminded me that I made a choice, and whenever I felt like giving up, I learnt to understand that if I had said that I would do something, I should see it through.
By this same measure, my daughter will be held to the same standards. I believe she is capable of being trustworthy, and it begins with holding her accountable to her endeavours.
- Take care of myself, to take care of her.
Firstly, learn to love your body. That means living healthily. That means, for me, not putting anything in my body I wouldn’t put in my daughters. And for my daughter, it’d mean brushing her teeth, cleaning her body, cutting her nails, staying neat and tidy.
Secondly, care for your community. Be polite, avoid sarcasm, first be strong, then protect the weak. Too many people don’t understand that to help others while you are weak so you become weaker will allow yourself to become a burden on your community. To care for those around you is to care for yourself first. After you have established your home and foundation, honor your roots.
- As Ruth Bader Ginsburg puts it, “in every marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little bit deaf”.
Basically, when a thoughtless or unkind word is put out, tune out. Apply this to all relationships. Do not take cruel words to heart, learn what you protect with your heart and when your mind needs to control you heart in telling it to shaddup.
Understand that an independent person is independent even from their own fragilities. This is why it is important to be kind in thought to be kind in word and act.
And most of all, mamas reading this, remember the person you were Before Children? Well, don’t go After Disaster on yourself. Understand what you need to feel like a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a teacher, a student, you.
To my 9-month old: Yes, I am your mama. No, you may not climb on my face, the consequence is resituation to the foot of the bed. Yes, I am your mama. No, I am not just a boobset like a rare Tula wrap conversion being unveiled at a babywearing conference. Yes, I am your mama. No, I am not just a podium for your cuteness.
P.S. I love you.
motherwarriors 